Turning 50

I am going to be 50 this year and I have to tell you I am excited about it. When I tell people this I think a lot of them think I am crazy. Well let me explain, first I have no choice so I choose to embrace it. But the real reason is the way I feel right here and right now. I spent so many years feeling bad about myself, I was happy don’t misunderstand I love my life and where I am I just always felt “ugly” or not good enough. Always trying to reach that perfect image I felt I should be. I was too fat, too shy, too stupid. You know what I mean?  No one around me made me feel this way, it all came from within. Over the last few years as I have neared 50 I have finally begun to realize that I am enough. This is me and I am created in God’s image. He made me and yes I may not be perfect but I am perfect in His eyes!  I have done so many things and accomplished so many things and I need to celebrate me and what I am capable of. I brought six kids into this world, that is amazing in itself and so worth celebrating and I am so so proud of who they are and who they are becoming!  They are one of my greatest accomplishments.  They have also helped me to grow into who I am, it’s amazing how you learn what really matters when you have kids. And now at 50, or almost 50 my youngest is 13, I am spending more time on me and the things I like to do. I have also found a “tribe” of women that I love being around and am so enjoying the friendships I have with them, this is actually thanks to my job of being a Young Living Essential Oil sharer!  They love me for who I am and I love them for who they are!  Yes I am working on my fitness level and know that being fit helps me to love myself but I also know that I can be me with all my flaws and I am enough just the way I am!

I also feel like I am finally a woman not a girl but a mature beautiful woman who is loved and who loves fiercely, sometimes more than I should but you know what, I am happiest that way and I really don’t care what others say. If I get walked on for being too nice so be it!  My passion is making others happy, that is what makes me happiest and if others don’t treat me the same I just don’t care. I have my faith and the ones that matter the most and that is enough!  I would much rather be accused of being too nice than of being horrible. So here I am World love me or not it just doesn’t matter.  

Don’t get me wrong I have my days, you know the ones?  I look in the mirror and think “who on earth is that horrible creature staring back at me?  What are those lines under my eyes! Lips? I have none”. Then I say “stop, you wouldn’t say that to anyone else, look again you see that woman staring back at you? She is amazing, she is a wife, a mom, a friend and she is amazing and she is here to take on the world and do great things!” So here’s to all my amazing women friends, we are enough, we are strong, we are worthy and we are amazing. Let’s celebrate who we are and what we have done and what we will do!

Be you, be beautiful and don’t let anyone tell you you are not, not even yourself!

I wrote this blog post a few months back and did not publish it. Today is my 50th birthday and although I still feel the same about turning 50 it has been a sad day for me after losing my mom. I know she would have called today and I really miss hearing her voice.  I know I will have these days but I also know that as time marches on they will be fewer and farther apart which makes me happy and sad at the same time. Happy because I know I can get through losing her and sad because I don’t want to I’d rather have her here with me. But my dad once told me not long before we lost him “ life is for the living” so we must march on and enjoy life to it’s fullest just like they would want us to. 

Blessings,

Anna