My Plus Two!

I have put a lot of thought into adding plus two to my blog name and decided to share with you why I chose to do so.  My plus two includes my sweet exchange student from Holland that I consider to be one more of my children.  We brought her into our home and she fit right into our family like she had always been a part of it and I am forever thankful that we made the decision to be her host family!  She spent an unforgettable year with us and we were very sad when she had to return home.  It was so much fun watching her experience America from our very small town.  One thing that I will never forget happened on our way home from picking her up from the airport.  We go through a town of about 20,000 people on our way to the town we live by and when we got to this town she asked "is this Ione". I told her not even close, Ione has a population of around 200.  She came from a big city.  The poor girl had no idea what she was getting into!  But she adapted quickly and I know she had a great year here because she is coming back for a visit!!!!!! I only wish her visit was going to be as long as the last!  But you can't have everything now can you?!  I am just happy to know that we will be seeing her soon!
During her time here we were also very fortunate to be able to meet her family.
If you ever get the chance to host an exchange student I highly recommend it!  It was one of the best  decisions we ever made.
My other plus one is a little more personal and I did a lot of soul searching before I decided to share my story of my sweet little "other".  You see I had a miscarriage between my fourth and fifth child.  It is not something I normally share because I feel very private about it but if I can help just one other person through the pain of losing a child at such an early stage of development or help someone to comfort another going through this loss than it is worth sharing my story.  My sweet baby would be 14 years old now.  And I know from personal experience that not everyone understands the devastation that you feel when you lose a baby so early because I myself did not fully understand until it happened to me.  You see I had plans for this sweet little child that I carried for such a short time.  I could already picture my sweet baby in my arms, the love that I would give to this child, the joy my older kids would get from having a new sibling in the family, the hopes and dreams I had for him/her. But alas God had other plans and instead took my baby home to Heaven to be with Him before I even got a chance to look into my babies eyes or hear my babies first cry or hold my sweet baby close.  I don't know why He decided to take my sweet baby to Heaven but I know He had a reason and it is not my place to ask Him why, although I did plenty of asking at the time, I just know He did.  Was it because He needed a new angel to watch over us, was it to help us grow in understanding.  I don't know but I do know I have a sweet little angel in Heaven that will be there to greet me someday!
The pain I felt when I knew I was losing my baby was the most excruciating pain I had ever experienced, worse than any physical pain I ever had endured, this was a pain that went clear to the core of my being, it was a pain that I got through only by leaning on my faith.  Faith that I knew that my baby was in the loving arms of Jesus in Heaven, faith that I knew I would someday see my baby in Heaven and faith that I knew that God would get me through this.  I am very thankful that I had family by my side to help me especially my mom who came and cared for my other children and allowed me to grieve the loss of this one. And my husband who stood by me and let me grieve the way I needed to.  I know that not everyone around me understood what I was going through even though they tried and I thank them for that and understand that sometimes people offer comfort the only way they know how.  I just would like those who have not gone through this to understand that it does not matter if "these things happen for a reason" or "you can try again" the pain that you are feeling at the time is very real because you are losing a future, one that involves this tiny little being that you already had hopes and dreams for.  So just understand that it takes time to let go of those hopes and dreams and to give this baby to God because even if you could not see or hold this child does not mean that you do not already love him/her with all your heart.  And letting go is not easy.  I will always hold my dear sweet baby whom I named Rose, because roses are so beautiful just like each baby that God makes, close to my heart and I know that we will someday meet.
May He also hold all of you in His loving embrace.
Blessings,
Anna